The Alpha Female Paradox.

The Alpha Female Paradox.

You’ve heard it all; the alpha female is the go-getting, ass-kicking, blunt-speaking female who is not afraid to tell it as it is and isn’t bothered about whose arse is gored. She is the one who isn’t afraid to ask the guy she likes out on a date if he is dragging his feet (for reasons best known to him) and is not going to show a whiff of emotion in public because that is what ‘’petty’’, omega females do – Oh, yeah! According to, females can be grouped into alphas, betas, nu’s, zeta’s and omega’s in social settings. She’s the life of the party everyone wants to be like, the ever strong and stable one in the group, the no-nonsense one who cannot be found in tears or moody spirits because guess what, she has it all under control! Every single damn thing! And lest I forget, she is the one who absolutely does not need a man in her life – but is open to finding someone. Such irony. Why be open to something you do not need in your life? I mean, men usually do not hang around where they are not needed, even the alpha males who are supposed to be the ‘’only’’ ones who can handle the awesomeness and ‘’power’’ of the alpha female.

Here’s my problem with all of these; first, women have found a way to force narcissism, and awful attitudes that are demanding and demeaning into the ‘’being an alpha female’’ lump much to their own detriment. Secondly, since when did just being female become so wrong?



I don’t always like that I feel things deeply more than my male counterpart but I am glad that I do because then I have the passion to change something that I would like to see change. I don’t like that I can burst into tears all on my own from deep thoughts, but I am glad that my tears cleanses my soul and washes away my fears and worries and infuses in me strength that I didn’t know I had on my inside. I don’t like that society believes my life isn’t whole if I don’t have a man beside me, but I also believe, not giving a hoot about what ‘’society’’ thinks, that it is not good for man to be alone and that two can chase ten thousands. And I also know that he does not have to be a boyfriend or husband figure, but a father, an uncle, a mentor, someone that brings to the table inherent strengths that reside in him just because he is male.

I don’t like the fact that some cultures and beliefs downplay the role of women in society and restrict them to seemingly domestic and irrelevant roles that are believed to be of no esteem or value. But I also do not think that men and women were created ‘’equal’’, to play the same fields and operate the same way or on the same playing ground. I believe that the both genders were created in such a complimentary way that a holistic companionship could be achieved when they both functioned side by side. Imagine you were just a head or your arm or just your ten toes were trying to function solely without help from any other body part. That is impossible. It only dies off with time.
I don’t like the fact that things like periods and pregnancy can usurp your emotions and have you acting in ways you don’t understand. But I love the fact that we’ve been given the ability to birth life and nurture life in such a way that men stand in awe of what we make out of little pink/red humans. I like that I can ooohh and ahhhhh at things like a cute picture of a little baby or a beautiful smile. I love that I am moved by deep words and emotional stories, that they speak to my soul and remind me of my humanity and feminity. I love that I can love deeply without reservations and calculations and that my emotions, when handled as it should be, actually balances out the equation in my relationships. I love that my words can encourage, my insistence can cause a change of heart and that my strength is always enough for those in my circle of care.

In the tears and depths of fluctuating emotions lies our power. I don’t think we need to dress it up all masculine to show how though we are, to show how well we stand out as “strong” women or to enforce our presence. Rosa Parks started a revolution by insisting on sitting at a particular spot on a bus. No shouts, no threats, no domineering antics and no intimidations. We don’t need to force the tears back when they come pouring out. We don’t need to act like we have it all together when we don’t. We don’t have to assume we are strong when we are weak and in need of help and we do not have to whine and whimper when we are burning with the strength and zeal of a hungry pack of lions.

So take off the mask, the masculinity, the ‘’alphaness’’ and be unapologetically you. No, you are not weak. You are female. Take your time to do your make up, wing your liner if you can. Cry when you need to and ask for help when you need to. Be a strong shoulder when you can and be the pillar of support that you were designed to be in your environment. You do not have to be ‘’male ‘’ to be a strong woman.


So these were shots for a promotional shoot for Stylist and Events Host Topman Jefferson. Had a fun time doing this because he is an ever rolling ball of hyperactivity. Plus this is also in line, with doing all I ever set out to do this year.


Stylist @toppybanks
Photographed by @fredrickarchibong
Model, yours truly @kay_thequietone
”You will regret those things you never tried that you will forever keep you wondering, what if?”
Love, The Quiet One

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