So here I am at my work place having one of our numerous round table discussions about one of those things we have heated discussions about. I am the ‘Feminist’ at the table and it is easy to see, from that standpoint, the many loopholes in the responsibilities, and tags and societal expectations that we bear because of our gender and nothing else.
And there are many of such instances – men who will be inadvertently roped in by a woman who was taught to rely on a man for her very existence, women who are taught to give their life’s purpose to preserving their homes, women who are taught that it is their duty to keep their homes even when they are married to men who are easily carried away by long-lashed, butt pad-wearing, whitenacious women.
I say it time and time again, we must do better by our children. A male child is already groomed into believing that the success of his home rests largely on his wife because it is the ”women who keep the home”. And I never get this argument because a man goes in the store, buys the shiniest rock he can afford, humbly gets on one knee and asks a woman to spend the rest of her life with him, but then leaves her in the lurch to figure out this ”rest of your lives” business?
Our conversations that day bothered on the fact that when it comes to adultery, women are more harshly judged than men are in very similar circumstances. While a man might be urged to or more easily inclined to not forgiving or getting past an adultery incident, a woman is automatically expected to look the other way just to ”keep her home.” Again, the effects of the gender imbalances in the context of responsibilities within marriage.
What’s worse? It is also the woman’s ‘duty’ to ensure that her man looks at no other woman or does not have an affair with another woman at least while they are still married.
Because when it happens, the questions usually range from ”what did you do to drive him into the arms of another woman” to ”what did you not do that the other woman could do for him”.
I have a problem with this school of thought for very many reasons. Primarily, this fuels the assumption that men do not need any extras to keep their women faithful which is false. It also fuels the assumption that a woman has to constantly be in competition with women who may be prettier or more cunny or more successful (depending on what this man’s poison is) than she is for her husband’s attention. It also means that an adult man with the responsibilities of a family, usually one he attracts himself, needs a woman to constantly put a check to what he does with his time, his body and his resources.
And with the increasing craze from girls for the finer things in life, which sadly begins with an iPhone and ends with a trip to Dubai, more women are ‘losing their husbands’ to the wiles of these jobless, immature and visionless girls trolling the city looking for a ‘saviour’.
Dear Nigerian men, save yourself.
Save yourself from the cobweb-lashed preying female whom you can scent from a mile away. Save your junk from the potential little incurable armies that she might carry. Save yourself from the hot-searing embarrassment of being caught (because you will anyway). Save yourself from funding trips to places you’ve never been to and buying gadgets that you may never own to create someone else’s social media reality. Save yourself from ‘kayan mata’ ensnaring girls, don’t even go an inch close to their neighborhoods, let alone houses. There’s a reason the warning in the Holy Book is to flee.
Dear Nigerian men, flee. Don’t go playing with fire and wait on your wife to magically extinguish the raging storm you dump in her laps when you are found out.
It is not a woman’s place to keep the home. It is the place of two people who have committed to spending the rest of their lives ‘in sickness and in health’ to keep that promise and work to keep that home. Together.
Remember that when you raise your sons. Remember that when you raise your daughters.