So my colleague sends us the picture at the right and as usual, the comments come rolling in. My colleagues – I think we need a piece on them. They make dreadful work a lot of fun and turn the most tiring of days into one filled with loads of laughter and arguments. Now, as I have found to be the norm, our most lengthy arguments almost always end up on issues surrounding relationships, marriage, sex and love. Of course there are the occasional political ones – for example the ongoing fuel scarcity and the new transport fares we have to pay to get to work, celebrity gossip (Linda Ikeji v Wizkid anyone?) and all what nots. It interests me to see every day, how as humans, we have this great need to love and be loved in return – this latter part always being a very important and decisive factor.
Here are two about observations I made about the young lady in the story above:
- Let’s be frank, she had to put herself out there to find the kind of love she wanted. How many of us can say the same thing? I’m not particularly ecstatic about her methodology, but hey, the end justifies the means right? 🙂 If we knew the real end to the story, I could say for sure.
- Secondly, and most importantly, here we are again, one woman to another, subtly dragging us into the school of thought that insists that an African woman has to be married for her life to be meaningful and her achievements complete. Trust me when I say I am not a feminist but I still insist that this is a bull load of crap and is landing us in more trouble than we care to admit.
No, I’m not married. Yes, I hope to get married someday but my life’s goal isn’t and shouldn’t be to get married and answer Mrs A or B. You know, we are quite some confused generation. First, we convinced the women to chase their dreams, become their own bosses, own their own businesses, help the men financially because you never knew where next the economy was taking a nose dive into and of course, because what a man could do, a woman could do a hundred times better.
And when the women started off on this path, we came back and reminded them that men were scared of over achieving women and did not want to marry them. We told them that this was a grave situation because, what was the point of all your success if you had no man no husband to crown it all? No #DelphiMetal ring to show for it? Such waste!
And off we went hunting for husbands, forgoing our dreams and purpose and for some of us, trying to muddle and juggle the two as humanly possible as we can and we haven’t stopped till today. The desperation is becoming deeper and more consuming and even parents and relatives are helping society fuel the single lady’s rat race to the marriage finish line.
Marriage is beautiful. God looked at Adam and thought that it wasn’t good for him to be alone and made Eve his helpmeet. Doesn’t this tell us the order of things? Shouldn’t the men be the ones on the lookout and the rat race for their helpmeets? I think that’s what it should be and if the men are taking their time to do this finding, why haven’t we learnt to patiently and actively wait to be found? I mentioned actively waiting – for everyone who wants to start a fresh argument along these lines.
Well, so now you are married. The final hurdle has been crossed and the race has been won. You’ve worn the #VeraWang wedding dress and your bridesmaids looked spectacular in their #AprilbyKunbi dresses. #BMPRO beat the sun and stars into your face and le hubby looked dashing in his bespoke #MaiAtafo suit alongside his best men. Of course the wedding was featured on #Bellanaija, I mean, what is the point of all the hassle without a world acclaimed #Bellanaija feature. Such waste! The hall looked like it was straight out of a Hollywood movie; thanks to #ZapphireEvents and #georgeokorophotography had the perfect pictures to highlight the spectacular event. It was still is the talk of the town and we do not want to go into the wedding budget or how spectacular the honeymoon must have been. Definitely a story for another day. It was picture perfect, the wedding of your dreams. Now, you are married (drumrolls, applause…) What’s next?
Love, The Quiet One.
PS: If you do not take anything out of today’s post, then by all means take this. Weddings and the institution of marriage has become a very vital and lucrative economic sector in our country. Join in while you still can – gowns, suits, venues, event planning, make-up, cakes and catering etcetra. You know what I love about this industry right now? Yes, I mentioned all the big names in the industries but there is room for everyone. Just know your art and know it well enough to cause people to value it the way you want them to.
Love again :), The Quiet One.