It’s been a while in here. Really has. So these past few weeks have been rough and bumpy for me. That’s normal right? Life happens. Isn’t it surprising how little incidents here and there can cause us to begin to view things from a very different yet refreshing perspective? I have always considered myself a lone ranger; a solitary army. I love to figure things out, have a plan and a spare plan just in case; be involved in as little relationships as possible, gladdened by the thought of conquering the world myself. Largely always me, myself and I.
Here’s the thing; man was not made to function as a solitary being. There was Adam, then there was Eve and Noah and Mercy and Funke and Obiora then Jerry and on and on. I have learnt that despite the fact that it takes some serious and conscious effort to sustain valuable relationships, there are those that do enrich your life in ways that are not tasking or draining.
I’ve been reading T.D Jake’s He-motions for some weeks now and though his primary audience was the male folk, I found there are a lot of life’s lessons filled in the pages of this book that cuts across gender. And one of them is that there is a pyramid pattern to our relationships like depicted in the diagram below and using Jesus’ life as an example;
Now, the ladder goes beyond the 12 disciples to other followers Jesus had and sent out on missions and all of that. And that is how our relationshsips flow from our core to the the wider ends of the funnel. Of course, the closer we get to the core, the lesser the amount of people we find.
It’s no coincidence that Jesus spent a lot more time with John, James and Peter than he did with the other disciples. It’s also not a coincidence that he poured in a lot more of himself into the building and shaping of these men who made up his inner circle. They were his allies, comrades, understanding the visison he had and pushing for the same goals he carried, and understood it well enough that they were entrusted with fostering the spread of the gospel in early times. An ally is one who unites or co-operates with another in a mutually beneficial relationship; a comrade is a companion, a partner, an associate, most likely one who shares a goal, vision or dream as you and the resulting relationship is one that ensures the two parties are heading in the same direction with the same path and focus in mind. A brother is well, a brother – sticking closer through the good, bad and ugly, bound by the invisible and immortal force of blood or loyalty or both.
If you have ever been in a place where you were in dire need of someone who could at least understand the rhytm of your heart enough to understand when you miss a beat, then you understand the need for an ally, a comrade, an inner caucus of brothers who are not in competition with you but who are committed to the growth and actualization of who you are meant to be as you are to theirs. Think Harvey Spectre and Mike Ross(without the law firm cockiness/politics) or MaryJane Paul and Lisa Hudson(without the boyfriend drama). I have seen relationships blossom in this manner in such a beautiful way and have seen others end so dramatically, sadly.
All I’m really saying is; you need people in your life. There’s no excuse for being a lone ranger – introvert, extrovert, lone-ranger, life of the party, room junkie – you need people in your life. A mentor, mentee, an ally, one comrade, a sister, a brother, a soul mate, a confidant, one listening ear, that voice of reason, that silent still nudge, the loud applause, and so on. Sometimes we get too scared of being vulnnerable that we choose the lone-ranger path stubbornly insisting on our own ways and methods. Peter vehemently refused knowing who Jesus was at the courts of the leaders who tried him yet he was there at his most initimate and vulnerable moments. These things will happen! We are all selfish humans afterall (lol). Yet through it all, he got back to his senses by God’s help and became a fore runner. See, find your Peter, then find yourself a James and a beloved John. That’s all you genuiney need afterall. These are the determinants to the quality of the person that you become some years down the line, so choose them wisely.
Finally, remember the ends of a funnel are as wide as the narrow tunnel that leads to the core. To maintain a healthy balance, there are a lot of people on the end of the spectrum that need your attention too and you must learn to give back. Don’t always be a taker, looking for someone who will pour into your life and make your life better and enrich your life in so many million ways if you will not be that person for someone else. In all, always keep in mind this quote from Maya Angelou that says, ‘People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.’
Love, The Quiet One.